In a marriage there are always problems. Life stresses always get in the way and it is how you manage these that will gauge whether your relationship is a strong and healthy one.
Some of the issues you will face include
- Are you still intimate? – so who decides if you are having enough sex? Both partners usually have a different concept on what is enough. If you want more or less than our partner then this can cause problems. It doesn’t mean that you are heading for a divorce but it is symptomatic of an issue that needs to be addressed. It can be a deeper relationship problem than the issue itself.
- It goes without saying that spending time together is important. This could be date nights, going for a walk, watching a film or even cooking supper together. It’s about making time for each, being romantic and genuinely thinking about their needs rather than being a purely functional couple.
- Appreciate and gratitude. This is about the small and everyday signs of appreciation. “I love the way you are working for our family” making someone a cup of coffee, a small intimate touch or look is all that is needed to feel appreciated and loved.
- If you speak but don’t communicate then you are in trouble. If you never talk with your spouse about anything more than day to day trivia then it creates a disconnection in your marriage. This makes one less affectionate towards your partner. This also goes for if one person is doing all the talking and the other only listening.
- There is more negative than positive. The first sign is negative reactions, more nagging, criticising each other habitually or attacking their personality can become a huge problem. Along with the not so funny sarcasm can show the loss of respect.. Are you irritated with your partners actions, annoyed with their habits, notice when they forget household chores…….
- Stonewalling is when one of you retreats and won’t talk. They will block the other person. This usually happens because they are afraid of it and can’t deal with it. Very often they will try to trigger a row to get the stonewaller to react and talk. This results in an awful atmosphere and makes the any sort of discussion impossible. This shuts down communication and any hope of reconciliation Remember good communication is not just about speaking up on behalf of yourself but it is also about listening to and really hearing what your partner has to say.
It is never to late to salvage a waning relationship as long as you recognise what is happening and one is prepared to put some effort and time into managing conflicts with positivity. Maybe its time to speak to a third party for help to save your marriage.
Marriage is hard but divorce is even harder and forever.